Have you ever wondered about ‘Permanent Night Shift’ staff?

Ever wondered about what makes them shrink away from the sunlight, avoiding wholesome day time interaction? We have all done our fair share over the years, scientifically and insidiously chipping away at our own life expectancies. And like bird watching, i have taken an interest into these types more recently. They are a different species, but my observations had led me to believe that Permanent Night Shift nurses come in one of three varieties (with the rare exception…)

Category 1: Bleepers

Usually…

• Middle aged.
• Female
• Divorced (unsurprisingly)
• Annoying like a pager that keeps going off. (All you want to do with it is pick it up and dash it against the concrete floor.)
• Thrives on uninvited interruptions at irritating times.
• Always tells you about her kids… Which she hasn’t seen for years…
• A ‘Know it All’ that constantly talks about the ‘good old days’ when soap and water enemas were the way forward.

Category 2: Creepers

Usually…

• Male
• Single +/- cats
• Still live at home with mum (who may or may not be alive but has at least been visited by a taxidermist).
• Wears tinted glasses inside the building, while it’s dark outside, during the shift and definitely on public transport.
• Their hair is worn in a style seen in old ABBA video clips.
• Wears an official uniform from the same hospital… in perfect condition… only its from 20 years ago…
• Day dreams about being a vampire.

Category 3: Heapers

• Usually…
• Ethnic in origin
• Work hard.
• Nursing is one of their 6 jobs.
• Has a family with 6+ children.
• Sends money home to ill and age-ing parents to pay for their medical care expenses.
• Always brings in exotic food from home, successfully creating department wide food envy on their tea break. .
• Needs to get out on time as there is only 30mins between the end of shift and the start of their next shift.

*** Night shift Disclaimer applies… as post made after 10 hour night shift, 2 Mars bars, baked beans, a bag of gummy bears, 2 slices of toast and a packet of organic vegtable crisps…